it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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