I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
