weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
