if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
