just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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