im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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