yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
