Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
