what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
