You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
