he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
