You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
