i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
