I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
