I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
