I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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