you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
