We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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