you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed