So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs