the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.