Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize