My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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