Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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