My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
