Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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