After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
