I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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