Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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