WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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