too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
