Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
pray to the hookup gods
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
