please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
