Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
