Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
