just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
