I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
