Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
