I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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