Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just cropdusted the office
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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