and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
