he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
