Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do vagina's smell?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
