just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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