So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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