Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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