Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
