sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
