I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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