tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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