I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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