is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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