I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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