i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
