i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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