his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
