i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
MIDGETS
????
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
