Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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