you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
