god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
