Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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