Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i barfeds in our rink
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
