Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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