do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
