it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
