I'm going to jail i love you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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