I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
