He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
