That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize