I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize