Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
