wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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