I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
