It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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