..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
