So drunk its hurt
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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